The Testee Awards Explained

Let’s honor superior athletic performance!

There comes a time in every man’s life where he ceases to be amazed by the trivial things … such as sunsets, or a fine bush of roses in the backyard patch, for example.  There’s that well-worn path we’ve all been down that creates a sense of familiarity that might better be described as “INCREDIBLY….. FRIGGIN’…. BORING!!

I want to make a few things extremely clear:

I HATE MEDIOCRITY.  I hate average.  I hate mendacity.

But I love superior and gutsy athletic performances.  Franz Klammer’s downhill run for the gold at Innsbruck in 1976 was just as ball-sie as it was classic. Kirk Gibson battling Dennis Eckersley to a 3-2 count, just so that he could sit on a back-door slider and ride it out of the park in the World Series, was a moment of Testicular Glory.  Michael Jordan’s 38 points and 7 rebounds in Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals, when he had the flu, reminds us that the phrase “all men are created equal” is not true in all cases.

In my view, any man or women who takes part in the Olympic Ski Jumping competition has demonstrated “largeness” (beyond a reasonable doubt) in areas that can’t be adequately described by the standard gold, silver or bronze medals.  Whether it is a sport, a performance, or an action… sometimes the actual recognition is disproportional to the size of the feat itself.

You can’t give a ski-jumper a bigger gold medal than a curler because the IOC awards medals of equal size for all sports.  While all medals are equal at the Olympics, not all victories are the same.

The Testee Awards will seek to apportion “manly”-sized credit where “bigger” credit is due, without fear of gender.  To have a Testee Award bestowed upon you is to know that your feat, in whatever arena, in whatever competition, is recognition of a bigger performance that has gone above and beyond the size of any medal or trophy you could ever receive.

The Testy Awards can be awarded frequently, but preferably on a schedule to be determined in time with the market.  Nominations are welcome, as is debate.

Thank you for your attention…  please send in your nominations.

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